tshreyu (tshreyu) wrote in india_writing,

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The Man Who Loved Me

Warning: Homosexuality. If you don’t approve, please don’t read.


Author’s Notes: Its just a simple story. Nothing explicit. I don’t have a proof reader, so point out if you find any mistakes.


Feedback: Please let know what you think of my story.

Its been nearly forty years, and I still remember the day, or rather the night, my life changed. For the better, may I add? I can feel every touch, hear every sigh, every moan, and still experience the same pleasant shudder run through me.


I remember it was August, year of 2008. Climate had become really unexpected, actual winter started in February and showers were delayed. It had not rained in over three weeks in my city and everybody had assumed that we had seen the last of monsoon.


Aslam had been trying to get close to me for almost two months now, but I had managed to keep him at arms length. I was really scared. At the back of my mind I knew he wanted something more than friendship. This thought freaked me out, not because I thought Aslam was not being sincere or anything. Infact I was quite sure he was being really truthful. But I just didn’t trust myself with him.


He was really smart, almost 6 years older to me, experienced web designer. He was damn good looking, hot, even with his beard. (Secretly, I thought his beard was the sexiest thing ever.) He was confident, walked into a room as if he owned it, yet it seemed so elegant. Personality that charmed all.


So, how was I to escape? I was 24 and had never been on a real date, even with a girl. I was shy as hell. It was hard for me to talk to anyone. I was confused, scared and totally in the closet. And suddenly, one day I meet this guy who is not only nice to talk to but also seemed to be interested in me. Wow! That was a great feeling, to be chased after.


I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I waited eagerly everyday to get off work, so I could be at the Corporate Communication class, where I would be able to see him. Unfortunately, this class was just for an hour and only three days a week. Sometimes during the class, I could feel his eyes on me, and my mouth would go dry. It took everything I had to not look back.


Finally, one day he asked me out to dinner, after the class. I just blurted out ‘yes’, didn’t think, didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t take it back, now. I was not even sure if I really wanted to. He said that it was just between two friends and I avoided thinking of it as a date, but somehow I knew it was a ‘date’.


It was the best evening of my life till that day. We talked about everything, it was free and casual. A few minutes into it, I started to relax and enjoy, and it worked.


Later, he drove me home and we were both sitting in the car, infront of my apartment building. There was an awkward silence, both unsure of our next move. I was playing with my apartment keys, looking at my ‘date’ through lowered lashes. I think Aslam, was trying to make eye contact, trying figure out if I was okay. For those moments I believe even he didn’t know what to do. 


I was nervous, didn’t know how to end the evening. I wanted to tell him I enjoyed myself, that I would love to do it again. But there a lump forming in my throat and no sound was coming out. I thought maybe I could let him know some other way. A handshake? Too casual. Maybe a kiss? Too forward. Okay, perhaps just a quick peck on the cheek? Yeah..that was better than nothing. But I absolutely didn’t  have the guts.


Hence, I just opened the door, got out and started walking towards my apartment. I think, I waved at him briefly, I don’t remember. But what I do remember is that Aslam hurried out too and called, almost panicked, “Karan..”


Thankgod for that. Because his voice made me turn around and I almost ran and hugged him tight. It was late, there was no one around. Thinking back today, I believe even if there was someone, I wouldn’t have cared. I felt his stiff muscles relax and a happy sigh passed his lips. I could sense he was sooo relived.


As if heaven had decided to lend a hand, it suddenly started raining. We were both soaked to skin in seconds. Then I made another bold move. I took his hand and led him to my apartment.


I stand here at this grave today, and I know it was the best decision of my life. I am here to honor my partner who knew how to live and taught me the same. I am here to spread the love that he bestowed upon me, to tell you my story and celebrate the man who gave me a new life!
Tags: homosexuality, story

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